Good Samaritan, I forgot to say "FUCK YOU"

Four years ago tonight I was in jail. No it wasn't my first time in the slammer but fuck I made sure it was my last. Today has been a long day to say the least. My memories of my last four years have been haunting me all day. I actually took a nap from 5:30pm to 6:30pm just so I could escape. Sleep is really the only way out. My mind is exhausted. My body is pretty much in that same boat.

Do the right thing (easier said than done).

Stay distracted (easier said than done).

Get lost in music....I can do that.

I was never a super fan but Jimmy Eat World had its moments in my life. I love/loved this track. Rad energy.

Seven Eleven

A friend of mine who recently turned 33 was telling me that 33 is considered to be a mystical number, "you know like Club 33 at Disneyland dude." I really wasn't sure what he was talking about so I did some research. Apparently the number 33 has its share of stories... Jesus performed 33 recorded miracles, Bird/Kareem/Pippen all wore the number 33 with valiance and it is also the highest degree in the Scottish rite of Freemasonry.

I have always been stoked to say my birthday was on seven eleven. I am not a big fan of the actual store though and believe or not but I never gone to 711 to get a free slurpee. I am sure someone will remind me today that I can do that.

My kids are stoked about my birthday. I easily forget how powerful birthdays are in their little eyes. The cake, the presents, the celebration of all things...ME!

I can't help but look back on this past year. Look at my accomplishments and my failures. I still have yet to do anything substantial with the brand. Sure I have a few big things in production as I type but as usual I let my head/emotions dominate most of my decisions this year.

I wrote this blog entry on my birthday last year. I am obviously a rearview mirror thinker lately. At the time, I thought I did a nice job breaking down some of my most memorable birthday moments. I was asked about my 25th birthday today and for the life of me I could not remember what I did. Our conversation was mainly about birthdays after 25 not really having much significance. I think if I was in a better mood I could have argued that they just keep getting better but now that I have kids, I truly feel the age factor, I feel time passing faster and faster.

My expectations are low. I do not foresee any gifts or any surprises. Hello 33, I hope you treat me better than 32.

Time

In the past couple years I have been taking notes, I guess you could call it a diary. I have always enjoyed writing and it just felt natural to document my thoughts and reflections. Let's face it, real therapy is expensive and never really did much for me besides drain my bank account. Someone suggested that I take up yoga (pass). Another friend suggested that I read books about peaceful topics like the art of zen (not there yet). Instead I chose the journal method, writing small entries on the daily. I am not planning on releasing any of these notes to the public, just acknowledging my overall action. Obviously the better I feel, the less I write (those days are rad). The themes are truly the only constant: heartbreak, loss, starting over, hesitation, defeat, hope, and love.

I have performed 360 degree backflips only to realize that the world around me is basically the same. I am well aware that I cannot change anyone. I am convinced that most folks just get older and never change. I am coming up on another birthday (711)...another year older (who fucking cares?)... I am also coming up on my 4th year anniversary of my sobriety (who fucking cares?) To be honest, I don't care to think about it anymore. I am not proud of my sobriety, it has not been a hard thing to do so I am not  looking for any "good job" or pat on the back. I am like an elephant, I never forget but as the time goes on I think less about it. Sure life is totally boring without substance but I have come to accept this. I never said never but timing is everything and now is not the time to be fucked up. I know a few heads who would argue that statement with me till the cows come home but at this point I will keep on keepn on.

I still have my hope. I still have my small list of "never give ups" but I am highly sensitive to where I stand lately. My list has possibly stunted my growth as a human being. I have never been the type to run with the wolf pack but the more i trip on that concept I think maybe that would have saved me from falling into this big ass hole. If everything happens for a reason then I am supposed to go thru this crap (my destiny, ugh). Lessons will be learned and mistakes will not be repeated (fingers crossed).

I was once a night owl, becoming a dad changed that, my kids are exhausting but I love them dearly.

Fuck you groundhogs day, fuck you.

Osker

I grew up on punk rock....

(side note) My previous blog entries have been totally lame. I just asked myself why I bother leaving them on here but then I answered my own thoughts. Any idiot can delete away but what idiot has the balls to post it publicly. I need to see my own reality. "Never forget"shall be my status. Anger is real. Pain is a fucking joke. I have had some really great ideas for future blog entries but I cannot seem to get into the flow of daily blogging (boring topic but a constant challenge). A valiant effort will be made towards something and/or anything. (hopefully not all lies, I am actually a horrible liar...) (fuck side notes)

So this dude aka the lead singer, Devon Williams went to high school with some dudes that I call my friends. Treatment 5 was one of those albums that I borrowed, dubbed and listened to over and over. The band, Osker actually got pretty big at one point, signing with Epitaph (which used to be a big deal but not sure if anyone cares anymore??) and touring. And like all good things, the band came to a crashing halt and died. Call it creative differences, call it drugs, booze, woman aka rock n roll but in the end it doesn't really matter. The music was good and I still enjoy listening to their music. Idle Will Kill is a great album too, super mature compared to T5 but still all good.

Taste it. You might like it.

Life

"What is happiness to you David?"

#Cavotuesday

During my prime, yes there was a time when I was on a GOOD ONE, I found myself watching the film Vanilla Sky all the time. It seems silly now but back then I was stoked on it. I have never been a super fan of Tommy Cruise, although I give him a ton of credit for some of his more classic roles over the years, maybe I am just partial towards Cameron Crowe or maybe this movie was just rad, I mean it still is rad.



Certain quotes from the film often ring in my ears at random points through out my days/nights of thinking. I think too much. I have been tripping on the happiness thing for a minute. Also Maslow's hiearachy of needs with the concept that one cannot function properly and will ultimately fail if their physiological needs are not met. These needs are breathing, food, water, sleep, sex, homeostasis, and excretion...I am pretty sure that I have the breathing one taken care of.

Yet the happiness question lingers, it is a heavy one. Happiness is never constant, never a given yet should be a priority. I am tired of saying that I am grateful, I am appreciative...I just want to say "I am happy"....but those 3 words don't quite roll off the tongue that easily.

I came across this quote earlier this week and I wrote it down over and over

"If you change nothing, nothing will change."

My problem with this is that my idea of change is some major drastic shit and that scares me. I have never been a risk taker, maybe that is part of the problem. And now when I read that last sentence over I realize that I need to come up with solutions. I need to push myself more. I have to learn a new way to play the fucking game. I hate games.

cool grey

#Cavotuesday

The theme of the week is a simple task.

Find something NEW to obsess on.

If time is precious, ok. And if this is my one shot at life, ok. Why did I get so stuck? I find myself coming full circle with everything, no really EVERYTHING. I can easily say nothing matters and then feel as if everything matters five seconds later. I feel as if I am entitled to get stuck but what bothers me the most is that I do nothing about it. Character flaws if you will, sure we all have them and I must remind myself that I still have some damn good qualities in the mix.

Let it be known I am grateful. Let it be known that I was once a completely different person. My life has changed before my eyes and I totally get the "only you can change it" idea. Retraining your brain to think differently is by far the hardest task I have had to come to terms with. No, it is not just acceptance, I will not believe that statement. The challenge of going against ones natural inclination "to do" is mind blowing. Like seriously, the whole don't think...just do...I clearly do not understand.

I will repeat this over and over...stop trying to control the things you have no control over.

I think its time...

Listen Up

Word of mouth is often the best form of advertising. I told ___ about ___ and then he/she loved it and then he/she told ___ and so on and so forth. Well the homey, Pete, said "hey do you like Radiohead?" I replied "yes" and then he said "well dude you gotta check out Atoms For Peace." True story. Enjoy.

Get Barreled #2

#Cavotuesday

Daily blogging is damn impossible in these shoes (I am actually barefoot) but I am the story teller here so let's pretend I am wearing shoes, not just any shoes but fancy dress shoes, that you only wear on special occasions. Fancy shoes are never comfortable because you never wear them enough to break them in. Shoes are meant to be broken in. I am clearly not a shoe person but I really need some new shoes. Obviously the shoes are a metaphor por mi vida. No I don't speak Spanish (lies) but yes I have quite a few stories in this bag, not a purse, just a bag. I will go easy on the tangents (never).

In 2012, Billabong began using the tagline "Life's Better in Boardshorts!" in their major ad campaigns. Every Sunday while I sold mushrooms at the Santa Monica farmers market, I would stare at the tagline prominently displayed in the surf shop window directly across the street. I fell in love with this tagline. Life is what we make it and if we can make it better, yes please do so. I associate boardshorts with warm weather, sand beneath my toes, ocean mist in the air, scantly clad females, less responsibility, the list goes on. Yes life IS better in boardshorts (truth spoken). I might add life is also better barefoot. Barefoot is the business.

Last Cavotuesday I was spitting fire about my barrels. I added the possessive on purpose. I am taking ownership here because no one was talking barrels in 2006. After I wrote the blog, I thought ok you talked about the Nolan tee, cool, nice little summary piece now let's go back to our regularly scheduled program then I saw this today...

Jack O'Neill is a legend. In 1952 Jack invented the wetsuit and changed the world of surfing forever. The dude is clearly an icon and yes he also rocks a pretty sweet eye patch on the daily!

Pabst Blue Ribbon is a dinosaur in the game of beer but has proven itself lately to be quite the popular kid on the block. PBR can thank the good old fashion American public for bringing their brand back from the dead. Great read right here.

So the two icons got together and created a collection for Spring 2013 release. First off, as I mentioned before I played with the idea of a single keg barrel and my tagline (get barreled) for quite some time but it never looked right. It was hard for me to visualize a person wearing a tee shirt with a huge keg barrel on it. Then I saw this chick on the Internet and I thought well thats um creative...

I guess I still find humor in all this. I appreciate branding collaborations. Sure they don't always make sense but I like the idea of merging two different target audiences and taking a chance. It sort of comes off as one brand piggy backing on another or maybe just one brand looking for new life from the other. One could argue that surfing and beer go great together. But then not all surfers party and not all beer drinkers are alcoholics...you can see where this is going. Personally I am not a fan of PBR in the surfing world but hey that is just me. Me as in the guy who coined "get barreled" in 2006. Hype or not, bottom line is that I am happy that the barrel is finally getting its time to shine.

Call it a coincidence or not but this just popped up in my News Feed on FB. This proud father and his happy FAM BAM live in Sydney, Australia. A little international love is all good. What can I say? I am sucker for Dads, kids, babies and people who support my project. Thanks Kyra! Much love.

Get Barreled

#Cavotuesday:

In my youth, I was often labeled a “surfer” based on the fact I had long blond hair, I wore surfer clothing and a majority of my friends were in fact real surfers.  I spent a great deal of my free time hanging out at the beach, paddling out and riding waves. I learned how to surf in high school and later sharpened up my skills in college by taking surfing electives. The “A’s” helped boost my GPA and the units went towards graduation but more importantly the class motivated me to be in the ocean 3 days a week and I really needed that. I appreciate the ocean and I appreciate the scene however I never fully dedicated myself to the sport. To this day I have never owned my own surfboard and/or my own wetsuit therefore in my mind I am not a surfer.

I have always loved surf culture. I enjoy following the trends, the brands, the professionals, the artwork and the history of all things surf. Cavotu (est. 2005) has always been dubbed a lifestyle brand long before the phrase became a hip cliché used by the masses. My inspiration for the brand today is still drawn from surf/skate/California culture.

In 2006, I rounded up a few surfers to be a part of the first Team Cavotu. (Parker, Prunckle and Boyle in the photos above and below) I honestly had no idea what I was doing (still don’t to this day- cheers to consistency!) but I knew sponsoring young talented athletes was a great way to get the Cavotu name out there. Around this time a major shakedown went down in the surfing industry with the closure of Clark Foam. You can read all about it here but it really was a big deal. Now that we had a Surf Team it seemed like the perfect time to release a “surf” tee. I coined the phrase “get barreled” and “stay vicious” shortly after.

I became obsessed with drawing barrels and taking pictures of barrels. I was researching all types of barrels from old school wine barrels, to rusted out oil drums to silver beer kegs etc. I watched endless hours of surfing videos as I fantasized about what it felt like to be inside the tube aka getting barreled. A “barrel” in surfer terminology is where the wave is hollow when it is breaking, for some surfers it’s the be all and end all of surfing, and sometimes called a “tube.” The Nolan tee was the design that emerged during all this madness.

Asher Nolan was a professional surfer that I befriended in one of my court ordered (yes I have been to jail, yes more than once, don’t judge me) classes back in 2002. Nolan rode for Hurley, got paid to travel the world and surf everyday. We were both in our early twenties so our weekly conversations were short and meaningless mostly about surfing, partying, and girls. I wanted his life. I am pretty sure he didn’t want mine.  When it came down to naming the “get barreled” design, Nolan was the first word that came to mind.

Since the Nolan tee was released in 2006, I have often gone back and forth with the idea of designing a new version with the same “get barreled” tagline.  More often than not, I am never 100% satisfied with my artwork hence the major delays/procrastinations/excuses as to why I have not released more products with more frequency. I will admit in retrospect, the Nolan was not my favorite design. My fans, supporters, friends ate this one up and the limited edition run easily sold out despite the fact that I never fully loved it. The story on the other hand is great; great as in everything made sense. So the idea of a new version has always remained in the back of my mind…

I realize that everything in the fashion game has usually been done at least once in one form or another so I am not taking this one personal but I do find it rather amusing. I would easily argue that I bet the story behind this tee, whatever it might be, is far inferior than the story behind the Nolan tee but regardless I came across this earlier today while looking thru the latest catalog from Swell.

The “gettin barreled” tee is offered in 3 different color ways and is part of the 2013 Spring Men’s line for RVCA. I have been a fan of RVCA since their humble beginnings. Pat Tenore, founder, seems like a real genuine dude. RVCA was purchased by Billabong a couple years ago so they are definitely setup for the future when it comes to financial backing. RVCA now has the opportunity to take their brand to the next level to which they have and continue to do so.

All this talk about surfing, designing shirts, ideas, telling stories…it really puts a smile on my face. I have been told that I have nice teeth and that I should show them off more often. There are quite a few things I don’t do anymore and smiling was added to that list for some stupid reason. I raise my glass of water to you my friends, here is to the future, here is to the future, cheers!

 **SIDE NOTE**
Cavotu (the word and the logo) is a registered trademark. However I have never trademarked or registered any of my phrases/taglines but I have an extensive hard drive of original Cavotu designs. I also make a habit of mailing my own personal artwork to myself and never opening it; therefore it is sealed and dated by the postmark.

...once

I was editing the website earlier tonight, minor tweaking/tinkering of this and that. Years ago I would spend hours every night messing with the damn thing. I am still far from an actual web designer. Yet I still call myself an artist. I still enjoy the design process, the simplicity of how colors relate to one another, how it defines my current mood. I was feeling a bit green tonight for some odd reason.

I have not been feeling well, I will be honest and say that I do a great job of letting my emotions and feelings get the best of me. I remain hopeful, although it seems like a waste of good energy thinking about hope all the time. I suppose I could focus on blank...the color green is most commonly associated with hope among other things...

I have not listened to this album in quite some time but tonight it brought a tear to my eye along with a smile at the same damn time.

"...remember to breathe and everything will be okay"

heart transplant

My right hand and a paper heart that I found on the floor

3 years old

I recently found myself talking in the third person, yes I have "lost my marbles" if you will. However there are nice moments of clarity here and there amongst the crazy. I have been a rearview mirror thinker as of late, the past has shaped the ME today, yes I am fully aware that I cannot go back in time but the what if scenarios are endless...

Today is my daughter's third birthday. Yes it is a HUGE deal in her world. We have been talking about this day for months, well more so my son has been talking about it for months. The amazing S loves the concept of birthdays and everything that goes along with them. Quite possibly normal for a 4.5 year old boy but then again you most likely have not met my son. Who are you anyways? My son is truly an amazing boy and I am not just saying that because he is my son. He is one gifted, dare I say 'mofo' that is going to turn some freaking heads in the future or shall I say continue to do so. All tangents aside, funny how real life plays out in my writing, my son constantly steals the show. Yes he is the first born but still I am just trying to give my daughter her day, her moment, this blog entry is hers....breathe.

So 3 years old. Wow, where does the time go. I can remember arguing with her mother before she was born about why I will not name my daughter, Talulah, yes, I am so glad I won that one but still wish I would have won some of the more notable debates, another blog, another day, stay focused. So my baby, lil Pey-Pey, Princess P, my lil tank, she came out with her fist raised, a valiant 10 pounder, ready to take on the world. I love those memories of her first days in this world. She is the exact opposite of her big brother but that is exactly the way it was supposed to be, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my daughter...

My kids are currently ranked #1 on my list. Everything and everyone can take a backseat. I am a Dad, going on 4.5 years now but who's counting. So maybe I got dealt a shit hand but I am still going to play these cards, I can't quit on this game. I am doing my best, yes I could be doing better but for right now this is me and this what I can offer. Today has been entirely dedicated to my baby. We started off with her favorite donuts for breakfast and I surprised her at her school with a special lunch. The look on her face when I tip toed in the room with balloons and treats was soooo amazing. She was crying, and yes I shed a tear too. I have had my fair share of crying days/nights/weeks/months/years so what the hell, let loose, shed a happy tear with my daughter might as well. More activities are scheduled for this evening, keep it going, I like this Dad hat, I think I will keep it.

I have never been more aware of time now that I have children. Watching my children grow up has given me a new appreciation on life. I sort of feel like I am wasting time or that time is passing, these are supposed to be my good years, or at least that is what I thought. I do not regret having children. I do not regret meeting their mother. I do regret some of the choices I made along the way. I hope and I pray that I will never make those same mistakes again. We are creatures of habit and go thru the motions which is fine or maybe not. But then you blink your eyes and a year has passed. I remember my daughters 2nd birthday like it was yesterday, darker days, still pretty dark but if I look at in phases then it was just a phase in the dark period. There is still no carrot. There is still no light. I am grateful. Please don't get me wrong, I only complain because I am highly emotional and highly effected. I thought I made some choices that were solid. I thought wrong. I hate the now of move forward and constantly starting over.

There have been many times throughout my days/nights/weeks where I ask myself, "how much more can you take?" "why do you keep on keeping on?" The answers always vary, the excuses I tell myself, the denial I live in, the fantasy that I continue to paint and repaint, different shades, different layers, who knew how much freaking paint I would have to use. But then if I think this is not just any ordinary painting. This is a life size mural that goes on for miles and miles. I can't give up. This paint brush is super glued to my hand. This is just one of those waves that I gotta ride out...I miss the ocean (dude its a 5 minute drive away says the voice in my head)....breathe.

Get Pin'd

I have been holding off on this one for quite some time now. This "lifestyle clothing project" aka Cavotu has many levels and on those levels we have wish lists. Yes I started everything with a simple screen printed tee shirt but my hopes/dreams/intentions have always been to expand, gain mad weight, add extra extra pounds and adjust the belt notch accordingly.

When I dabbled in the hat game, I thought about the sock game, and when I dabbled in the sock game I thought about the shoe game. Obviously the first 2 on that list came to fruition but I still roll with the motto "never say never", tattoo that ish on my neck. I'm not sure if it goes well with the "never win" tattoo on my forehead but nonetheless let's talk shop aka accessories.

I purchased a fancy brand spanking new pin machine (size one inch diameter pins only) back in 2009. The box remained sealed shut until last week. Yes, you read that correctly. One would think that when they make a substantial purchase on a fun new toy that they would be so excited to rip the packaging to shreds like it was Xmas morning but sorry folks, this is me, I am Joey, still not a big fan of Xmas morning or any gifts/package/opening/unveiling for that matter. I have no shame. I am a strange bird.

Rather than elaborate on my logic for why the box remained sealed, let us focus on the present. The present like today, today is a nice Fall season throw on a light rain jacket kind of day. Sounds like a cool day to release something um, dare I say cool?

Limited edition pin packs are now available on the website (here, click here for Cavotu.com). Everything has been completely DIY. The packaging came out pretty sick, small details make all the difference. Each six pack is different. I might open up a Q/A sesh for custom orders but as of right now if you buy then you get random Cavotu fun/goodness. All the pins are 1 inch in diameter. Perfect for your shirt pockets, hats, backpacks, jackets etc. Collect em, trade em and well pin them of course.

I would be a liar if I said I wasn't proud of this particular project. I miss dabbling in the creative juices. Be on the lookout for more product to come. You smell that? No, go ahead, smell again. Yep, you are right. It smells like a fire and I am going to keep this one burning.

Get pin'd mofos!

Mary Jane

Happy Cavotuesday folks, friends, fiends, foes. Ok ok sometimes alliteration is just dumb, dumb as in look at me, silly me. I am the silly one who has not written a blog in weeks so I quickly stumble over my words, slip and slide through the first paragraph which is supposed to introduce the topic and pull the reader in for..........more.

Not a day goes by where I don't come across something blog worthy, I guess we all do. Life happens and it is safe to say that the general population is not blogging about it on the Internet. I am not special yet I have a tendency to proclaim that I am more aware of my surroundings than others. Observant with that capital O. At one point the grade school girls called me Oey. Far from the coolest nickname in the book but fortunately the name Oey only stuck for about 5 minutes in reality. Unfortunately Oey remains eternally in my memory.

School days are behind me now unless I decide to go back and stack degrees like it's a hobby. Speaking of hobbies, oops none here, oh wait I got a new one, I have been swimming laps 4/5 days a week. Yes I have been getting my "Michael Phelps" on sans the 12,000 calorie diet and the medicinal greenery. Awesome lead (I tell myself).

This morning as I walked out of my kids school, a young girl and her mother crossed my path. The school director instantly yelled out, "Good morning Mary Jane!" What? Really? I walked out with a smile on my face and kept these lips sealed. No need to comment to a total stranger aka my son's fellow classmate. MJ could even be his right hand girl for all I know, the life of a four year old, sweet.

Now I can't help but think that little "MaryJane" was named after...well her great great grandmother from the old country of course. Obviously my opinion, which is just an opinion, leans towards the exact opposite. I think that Dad and Mom are total stoners and that they love marijuana so much that they had to name their daughter after their first love or as my friend Tony likes to call it "the greatest thing that has ever happened to me."

Now I know a couple of pot heads who named their daughter Kaya which I have always thought was totally cool. But when I say cool, I mean cool because Kaya is one of my favorite Bob Marley albums and the name just sounds Hawaiian which I attribute to the islands, surfing, fun in the sun, etc. (I need a vacation, bags are freaking packed). But not cool enough to be something I would do. Plus my last name pretty much distorts the hell out of any cool name. Truth spoken/typed.

Things are obviously different now and young parents have been exploring names far from the traditional options. I am not going to lie, naming my children was super challenging. I read the books and wrote several lists, yes hand written lists. I would walk around at work saying the names out loud, trying to imagine what it would be like. Yes I did. I still went into both labors without a name picked. Sure I had my top 5 but after each birth I looked at my top and was like 'no way!' In looking back I am stoked on the choices I made, S and P totally fit, I could not see it any other way.

So I am sure MJ will probably get that vibe for the rest of her life. The boys/girls will snicker in school and the teachers will always say it with a smile. But maybe not, maybe it really is just a name and I am the weirdo for having these thoughts. I suppose she can always just go by Mary. Maybe her folks are huge Spiderman fans and her brother is named Peter Parker. Highly doubt it but that would be madness. Regardless, I would never be able to pull that trigger. Even if I smoked herb all day every day, I would still never name my daughter Mary Jane.

Peace and love.

She says

A month later I emerge from the shadows. I would love to come back firing, all hyped up, juiced on that positivity and type out some super cheese line like "everything is wonderful" but...NOPE. The last time I checked they still call this place "HELL" so it's all good. Cheers to consistency right?

So August, whatcha got for me?

I've been making a valiant effort to do more random stuff. Step out of my comfort zone, force the awkwardness and venture out into unfamiliar territory. And no I am not talking about hallucinating drugs but that does sound rather tempting, hmm. I am talking about life. I am tired of feeling dead.

So what's cool?

Last weekend I rolled to Casino Morongo to meet up with my friend, Julie. Now Julie has a cool person job and she travels with the hottest female DJ in Las Vegas, the one and only Tina T. My plan was to meet Tina, experience life, listen to some music and lurk around the random Indian casino in the middle of nowhere. Yes it was silly. Yes I drank way too many Red Bulls. No I am not a dancer and/or club goer but to be honest, Tina's set was solid.

The moral of the story is that I followed thru with a random idea. I was really hoping to get some inspiration from Tina. Tap into that young energy and hear the motivation of a talented female who makes a living on playing music for thousands of people in random cities every night. But Tina ended up rolling out the side exit and our stars have yet to align. Sort of like a too good to be true scenario but next time for sure. So I wandered around Morongo and watched all the people gamble their hard earned dollars into stupid slot machines, hoping for that big break screaming out that show me the money while the casino just rolls in the dough...