full circle

I have been working on a writing piece for ______ and I find myself struggling. I know exactly what the F I want to say, I know exactly how I want to come across but something (ME) is getting in the way.

I went to college. I graduated from college. Yes I was a good student, damn near straight A's but always had that one B lingering in the mix. In college I wrote tons of papers, I killed at the bullshit format, convey the message, get it done type of shit.

Now as an adult, a single dad, a dude with a "unique look" as my son just said earlier....I rarely write. Sure I try to dabble in my thoughts on this blog but from my track record and my subject matter well it is like why even bother. No pressure, no expectations, no hype, no bullshit...I do it for ME. I keep the small flame, smaller than ever yet still lit.

Listening to tracks to feel inspired, to feel....its funny when I catch myself utilizing a "go to" catch phrase over and over. I have done this since I was a young child, I pick up on something and then apply it to everything. I still remember hearing "my bad" used for the first time and thinking that I would never use that ever. I still hate "my bad". But this week its "dare I say" and I don't even know where it came from but it stuck in my head and it wants to come out like after every 4th sentence. I was never this crazy. I know I know

on a sunday

I am awake and designing some tags that will be placed on the inside of something cool. I say cool with mad confidence because the reality is that I have not even seen the final product but on paper it looks rad and in my head its looks even better. There is nothing wrong with believing in the power of turning things into gold.

Saturday Night Live

Weekend nights were once something special! Now everyday/night feels the same. It's always Wednesday in my world, just another...Wednesday.

I have been running this Cavotu blog for 8 years (feels longer) and I have tried really hard to keep the swear words out. As a writer (me) or as one who appreciates writing, I am well aware that the English language is filled with thousands of eloquent descriptive words yet there are times when the F word gets the point across so well.

I over heard this female the other day dropping the F bomb in every sentence. It didn't even sound cool or tough or dare I say necessary in my opinion after piecing together the topic of her conversation. Bottom line, talking like trash is just lame so don't fucking do it.

I've been working on several different projects this past week and I am feeling super productive. I am actually making progress toward my goals which in my world is really really cool. My cheerleading team consists of two lil monsters (age 3 and 5) so I don't get a ton of "so proud" yadda yadda moments...but I'm proud. I'm clapping. I'm cheering.

I stumble across random stuff on IG...words to live by or common sense or total nonsense.

I have always been a loyalist. It's hard to just walk away. Firing up the middle finger is easy. But giving up on something you have tried soooooo hard for just sucks.


This one below always kills me, such a tough pill to swallow. How long does one suffer before they say enough is enough? I mean at some point you completely go insane, you lose yourself, nothing makes sense anymore, one can only suffer for so long...love is gnarly and hope is a motherfucker!!



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